Hey, you don't have to go out of your way to do anything for me. Just say what you feel when you feel it.
[Winston reaches for the remote, still remaining firmly within Ray's grasp. Once he has it in hand, one press of the power button blips the T.V. back to a black screen. He lets his arm fall at his side, letting go of the remote. Both bounce a bit as they make a limp impact with the mattress.]
[He takes a breath, tilting his head back to stare at the ceiling.]
...besides, it's not your problem to fix. It's on me to move past it.
But what if I feel like going out of my way for you because I love you?
[His grip loosens slightly as he frowns at Winston, clearly not liking the implication of that last statement. He knows a little bit about Winston's hang ups, only as much as Winston's willing to tell him, but it's enough that he has a general idea what he's hinting at.
Ray kisses Winston again, a bit more gentle and tentatively this time.]
...wouldn't really be taking my own advice if I clammed up now.
[All jokes aside-]
I know you're not lying when you say these things about me. But... there's a difference between believing you mean it and believing I deserve it.
I don't know- I guess there's still a part of me that thinks I'm not good enough- as a teammate, as a partner, as... as a person, really. Just feels like respect, love... is something I have to earn, and I can't make the cut on my own.
...and it's not like I don't know that's the insecurity talking, and not anything rational. Still. It's hard to shake. Even with you guys supporting me.
[He lays it out so matter-of-factly, as if he's stewed in these thoughts countless times to the point they've become as routine and predictable to him as the twists at the end of horror films- but without any gratification to be had in being right or finding a resolution.]
[His voice is sad, but understanding. Ray still closely holds Winston, but there's something soft about the hold now, like he's worried he'll break him if he hugs too tightly.]
I know it's hard to shake negative thoughts about yourself like that, but we're here for you. I'm here for you. You deserve the world and without you my life would be missing so much.
[Even if it's still difficult to get over his own self-conception to accept what's being said as true... The tenderness of Ray's language, both in body and verbiage, gets Winston to let out something of an aching, lovestruck gasp. And he lets himself settle into this moment, relaxing against Ray, sinking deeper into the bed, into something soft and warm and comforting. Trying to set those worries aside.]
Yeah... I think I've gotten better about it since... since we met. It's just... a learning process, getting over it.
[He purses his lips in thought.]
...you weren't there to see it, but... a long while ago, when I thought I was all alone in a world of chaos, something happened that... helped move me towards having a better perspective on myself.
[Winston presses his cheek against Ray's chest, eyes turned aside as he searches his thoughts and recalls this pivotal moment.]
It was... a disaster. Everything was falling apart around me. Nothing made sense anymore. It all seemed so... hopeless. I thought, "there's no way I can fix this, I'm the weak link, I can't measure up to the rest of them"- ...and that's when somebody approached me- told me that didn't matter, that I could find a way to get through it if I tried. And with Janine and Slimer backing me up, I did. He was right.
[Slowly, he cranes his neck up to look Ray square in the eyes.]
[The gravity quickly fades from Winston's expression, a smile finally returning to his face after what felt like an eternity of its absence.]
Alright- I'll admit, it wasn't the Einstein. It was... you remember how the sandman brought everyone's dreams to life? That was it. Egon was dreaming of him, and there he was. ...in case you're wondering, after the pep talk, he walked off reciting E=mc² to himself for some reason.
Be honest with me, though: is that any weirder than what we see on an average job?
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ghoststanning) wrote2018-12-26 08:12 pm
no subject
[Winston reaches for the remote, still remaining firmly within Ray's grasp. Once he has it in hand, one press of the power button blips the T.V. back to a black screen. He lets his arm fall at his side, letting go of the remote. Both bounce a bit as they make a limp impact with the mattress.]
[He takes a breath, tilting his head back to stare at the ceiling.]
...besides, it's not your problem to fix. It's on me to move past it.
no subject
[His grip loosens slightly as he frowns at Winston, clearly not liking the implication of that last statement. He knows a little bit about Winston's hang ups, only as much as Winston's willing to tell him, but it's enough that he has a general idea what he's hinting at.
Ray kisses Winston again, a bit more gentle and tentatively this time.]
You wanna talk about it?
no subject
[All jokes aside-]
I know you're not lying when you say these things about me. But... there's a difference between believing you mean it and believing I deserve it.
I don't know- I guess there's still a part of me that thinks I'm not good enough- as a teammate, as a partner, as... as a person, really. Just feels like respect, love... is something I have to earn, and I can't make the cut on my own.
...and it's not like I don't know that's the insecurity talking, and not anything rational. Still. It's hard to shake. Even with you guys supporting me.
[He lays it out so matter-of-factly, as if he's stewed in these thoughts countless times to the point they've become as routine and predictable to him as the twists at the end of horror films- but without any gratification to be had in being right or finding a resolution.]
no subject
[His voice is sad, but understanding. Ray still closely holds Winston, but there's something soft about the hold now, like he's worried he'll break him if he hugs too tightly.]
I know it's hard to shake negative thoughts about yourself like that, but we're here for you. I'm here for you. You deserve the world and without you my life would be missing so much.
no subject
Yeah... I think I've gotten better about it since... since we met. It's just... a learning process, getting over it.
[He purses his lips in thought.]
...you weren't there to see it, but... a long while ago, when I thought I was all alone in a world of chaos, something happened that... helped move me towards having a better perspective on myself.
no subject
You wanna tell me what happened? Maybe it can remind you what a great person you are.
[He has no idea if the story will actually show him that but it's fine.]
no subject
It was... a disaster. Everything was falling apart around me. Nothing made sense anymore. It all seemed so... hopeless. I thought, "there's no way I can fix this, I'm the weak link, I can't measure up to the rest of them"- ...and that's when somebody approached me- told me that didn't matter, that I could find a way to get through it if I tried. And with Janine and Slimer backing me up, I did. He was right.
[Slowly, he cranes his neck up to look Ray square in the eyes.]
...that man? Was Albert Einstein.
late but i gotta bc i gotta have ray respond
[Ray's grip on Winston loosens as a look of confusion grows on his face.]
That was an inspirational story but are you joking or...?
no subject
Alright- I'll admit, it wasn't the Einstein. It was... you remember how the sandman brought everyone's dreams to life? That was it. Egon was dreaming of him, and there he was. ...in case you're wondering, after the pep talk, he walked off reciting E=mc² to himself for some reason.
Be honest with me, though: is that any weirder than what we see on an average job?