...wouldn't really be taking my own advice if I clammed up now.
[All jokes aside-]
I know you're not lying when you say these things about me. But... there's a difference between believing you mean it and believing I deserve it.
I don't know- I guess there's still a part of me that thinks I'm not good enough- as a teammate, as a partner, as... as a person, really. Just feels like respect, love... is something I have to earn, and I can't make the cut on my own.
...and it's not like I don't know that's the insecurity talking, and not anything rational. Still. It's hard to shake. Even with you guys supporting me.
[He lays it out so matter-of-factly, as if he's stewed in these thoughts countless times to the point they've become as routine and predictable to him as the twists at the end of horror films- but without any gratification to be had in being right or finding a resolution.]
no subject
[All jokes aside-]
I know you're not lying when you say these things about me. But... there's a difference between believing you mean it and believing I deserve it.
I don't know- I guess there's still a part of me that thinks I'm not good enough- as a teammate, as a partner, as... as a person, really. Just feels like respect, love... is something I have to earn, and I can't make the cut on my own.
...and it's not like I don't know that's the insecurity talking, and not anything rational. Still. It's hard to shake. Even with you guys supporting me.
[He lays it out so matter-of-factly, as if he's stewed in these thoughts countless times to the point they've become as routine and predictable to him as the twists at the end of horror films- but without any gratification to be had in being right or finding a resolution.]